Another Poem
In honor of Savta Shirley
Today would have been the 101st birthday of my grandmother, the esteemed American-Israeli poet “Savta” Shirley Kaufman. On my boat ride to work, I channeled her spirit and wrote this.
Why Did You Quit Social Media?
Because I don’t actually need to know which of my close friends and family members
masturbated furiously on October 7th upon hearing the news of the frenetic slaughter of hundreds of “evil racist Zionist white-supremacist ethno-statist settler-colonialist oppressors”
and who enthusiastically await the jerk-and-diddlefest that will be ignited by round two of the violence, which they prophesy will target my cousins in Tel Aviv, Haifa, Jerusalem, and Zichron Ya’akov
clinging to the objectively asinine notion that Hamas is David against Israel’s Goliath
while bearing witness to the real-time consequences of their beloved terrorist militia’s orgiastic excursion, which has liberated Palestinians from nothing except the earthly realm.
Because I truly have no desire to know which of my close friends and family members
would call me a self-hating antisemite if they knew that I supported a ceasefire
and, gasp, Palestinian self-determination and freedom from the dehumanizing blockade in Gaza and apartheid in the West Bank
(yes, let’s call a spade a spade)
and who piss and shit on thousands of years of Talmudic tradition by refusing to think critically about Eretz Yisrael
instead clinging to the antiquated and perpetually disproven theory that the only reason for violence in the Middle East is because all Arabs hate Jews simply for being Jewish
which leads them to the sadistic conclusion that there no innocents in Gaza
leaving them mortified at the discovery that the rest of the world whole-heartedly disagrees.
Because I absolutely can’t handle knowing which of my close friends and family members
Are not going to vote for Joe Biden
Due to the fact that he’s fueling genocide by not shutting off the spigot of arms deliveries to the IOF
Or because he is (on rare – extremely rare – occasion) withholding a shipment of critical weapons to the IDF
Seemingly forgetting that last time a poisonous surge of self-righteousness infiltrated the left-leaning side of the American political spectrum, Donald Trump became president and now, as a direct result, my kids are prohibited from attending Vanderbilt, Tulane, or Purdue
(you wouldn’t send your daughter – or son – to college in a state that banned abortion, would you?)
Because my body is already growing numb with paralyzing anxiety
Thinking about that moment a decade in the future
When my children ask me “Daddy, where were you on October 7th?”
And I am forced to look down at my shoes and sheepishly mutter,
“On Instagram”.
And let’s not discount
That I don’t need my face rubbed in the accomplishments of my law school classmates, who are seemingly all now partners, GCs, judges, professors, and/or published authors, while I am just a single greasy hair in the sweaty armpit of a corporate juggernaut
That I don’t actually care about the acrobatic workout regimen of that guy with whom I had one class my sophomore year of high school
That I spent years avoiding addiction to alcohol, opioids, nicotine, and caffeine, only to throw it all away for an incessant compulsion to look at my phone
That Mark Zuckerberg does not need my eyeballs to shell out any more hard-earned cash into his coffers
And that I turn 43 next month and life is too fucking short.
To reinforce the stereotype that a Jew will always answer a question with a question
If you ask me “Why did you quit social media?”
The only appropriate response is, “Why didn’t you?”
We had to re-home our doggie so this might be the last photo I can include of him. He definitely approves of this poem.
That last line stabbed me.